Expectations and How to Live Your Best Life

In a world where external influences, societal pressures, and internal doubts are omnipresent, understanding the role of expectations is essential to living a fulfilled, authentic life. Our perceptions of ourselves, others, and the world shape much of what we do—sometimes empowering us, other times limiting us. Through exploring themes like prosocial behavior, living authentically, and overcoming fears of judgment, this article offers insights and practical strategies to help you regain control, boost your confidence, and unlock your highest potential.

Prosocial behavior—acts intended to benefit others—is a fundamental aspect of human social life. But why does it exist at all? From an evolutionary perspective, prosociality enhances group survival by fostering cooperation and social cohesion. What makes humans particularly remarkable is the scale and complexity of our cooperative behaviors, often extending beyond immediate kin to large, diverse societies.

What sets humans apart in this regard is the integration of emotional, normative, and concern-based mechanisms that promote prosociality. Three key elements facilitate this:

Together, these mechanisms enable humans to engage in large-scale cooperation—cooperative efforts that span communities, nations, and even global initiatives. Such cooperation is essential for tackling complex societal challenges and achieving collective goals that individual action alone could not accomplish. Research (see: PMC article) highlights how these factors underpin the unique capacity of humans for widespread, voluntary collaboration, illustrating the biological and psychological foundations that make prosocial behavior so vital in our societies.

Cooperation is a fundamental part of human life—so much so that we often do it without even realizing. But what are the real reasons behind this instinctive cooperation? How do our minds and societal influences drive us to act in ways that benefit not just others, but ourselves? Let’s explore the fascinating science behind our innate drive to cooperate and how it shapes our interactions every day.

Cooperation is so deeply embedded in our routines that we often do it automatically—and without much conscious thought. Take stopping at a red traffic light, for example. Most drivers don’t wonder why they obey this signal; it’s simply a social norm everyone follows to prevent accidents and keep order. This kind of everyday cooperation is driven by ingrained rules and shared understanding, making it feel natural rather than deliberate.

Grit means not just working hard, but training in a targeted and strategic manner. Anders Ericsson shows that people who identify their weaknesses and systematically work on them make extraordinary progress. Through consistent practice, their competence grows, and they reach a state called "Flow" — a condition of complete focus and dedication.But what drives us to cooperate even before such routines? Behavioral science sheds light on this question, indicating that humans have inherent tendencies that favor fairness and sharing. For example, in what is known as the dictator game—a simple experiment used by researchers—people often share resources equally, roughly splitting 50-50 with others. This pattern reveals a natural preference for fairness and equity, which encourages cooperative behavior even when there’s no immediate personal gain.

Research (PBS article) suggests that our willingness to cooperate stems from a mix of subconscious impulses, societal norms, and ingrained ideas of fairness. These elements shape our automatic responses—making cooperation feel like the default mode—rather than something we only do when it’s explicitly beneficial. In essence, humans are naturally inclined to cooperate because it promotes social harmony and helps us navigate the complexities of shared life. Our spontaneous cooperation is rooted in both biological tendencies and cultural norms that emphasize fairness and reciprocity.

Many of us are caught in a silent tug-of-war between authentic self-expression and the desire to meet others’ standards. Our social environment—family, friends, cultural norms—exerts subtle yet powerful influence over our decisions and beliefs. This section explores how social pressure, the elusive pursuit of approval, and unspoken expectations can distance us from our true selves. By understanding these influences and recognizing the "frustration gap" they create, we can start forming a life rooted in authenticity, fulfillment, and inner peace.

Many of us find ourselves caught in a struggle between authentic self-expression and the image we feel pressured to project. Ask yourself: Are you making choices based on what truly aligns with your values and desires, or are you driven by others’ expectations? Living for external approval can lead to a life that feels less genuine and more like an act tailored to meet others’ standards.

Society and social circles exert significant pressure to conform, often subtly shaping our decisions, habits, and beliefs. Whether it’s through cultural norms, family expectations, or peer influence, social pressure can cause us to prioritize others’ opinions over our own well-being and desires.

A key insight from psychology is that the effort to please others is often like chasing a moving target—the more we try, the more elusive satisfaction becomes. The truth is, we cannot control how others perceive or react to us, and trying to do so is an endless pursuit that leads to frustration and exhaustion.

Living to meet others’ expectations often creates what is known as the “frustration gap”—the distance between what we want and what we feel compelled to do due to external pressures. When we prioritize others’ standards over our own authentic desires, unfulfilled expectations can build up, turning into resentment and emotional fatigue. Over time, this disconnect makes us bitter and disconnected from our true selves.

Recognizing and redefining these expectations is a crucial step toward authentic living. When we align our actions with our values, we begin to bridge the frustration gap, fostering a greater sense of fulfillment and inner peace.

Life can become overwhelming or dull when we forget to prioritize ourselves and lose sight of what truly matters. The path back to joy, purpose, and fulfillment begins with small but powerful shifts—taking better care of your well-being, rewiring your inner dialogue, and setting healthy boundaries. This section offers practical steps to reconnect with your true self, let go of unnecessary judgments, and build authentic relationships. By embracing these principles, you can rediscover the passion and confidence needed to fall in love with your life all over again.

The metaphor of putting on your own oxygen mask first is a powerful reminder that taking care of yourself is essential, not selfish. Nourishing your mental, emotional, and physical health provides the foundation necessary for genuine happiness and authentic living.

One of the most transformative steps you can take is shifting how you talk to yourself. Instead of trying to control or judge what others think, focus on cultivating self-compassion and understanding within. Speaking kindly to yourself can diminish anxiety, boost confidence, and reignite your sense of purpose.

Healthy relationships are rooted in limits. Learning to say no and setting clear boundaries enables you to preserve your well-being. Respectfully asserting your needs signals self-respect and teaches others how to treat you—fostering mutual respect and healthier connections.

Letting go of preconceptions and expectations shifts your perspective. When you remove mental barriers, you can accept people as they are—without trying to mold or control them. This freedom opens the door to more authentic, compassionate relationships and personal growth.

Judgments and unrealistic expectations often stem from our refusal to accept others’ behaviors. Demanding that people meet our standards disregards their autonomy and individuality. Embracing acceptance and releasing the need for control liberates you from frustration and helps cultivate patience and understanding.

Building on these themes, our next article will explore how the fear of others’ opinions can hinder your ability to reach peak performance. We’ll dive into the psychological roots of this fear—including social pressure and approval seeking—and discuss how to set realistic, high expectations that motivate rather than restrict. Concepts like the Pygmalion effect show us that expectations can powerfully influence outcomes, and learning to harness this can propel you toward your highest potential.

Stay tuned for practical strategies designed to help you shift your mindset, build confidence, and perform at your absolute best in sport, career, and life.

To bring this all together, here are key points and practical steps to help you start living more authentically and confidently today:

Remember: Living your best life isn’t about perfection or pleasing everyone. It’s about aligning with your true self, nurturing your inner strength, and setting high expectations that push you forward—without fear or resentment holding you back.