The Paradox of Change – Why We Need It and Why It’s So Hard

We live in a world that never stops spinning. Our smartphones, our work, society itself—everything is in flux. Yet, when it comes to changing ourselves, we often face an invisible wall. Why is that? Why do we desire change but fail so often at achieving it? In this post, we’ll take a peek behind the scenes of our psychology and biology to understand the paradox of change.

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What is Change, Actually?

Change is the process by which we move from a known state into a new, often unknown state. It is the step out of the familiar and into the uncertain. Change is not just an external process (a new job, moving house), but primarily an internal one that affects our habits, mindsets, and emotional reactions.

Why We Should Strive for Change

"Change is inevitable." But it is more than that: it is necessary. While we are creatures of habit who love safety and predictability, true growth only happens when we leave our comfort zone. In a constantly changing world, standing still is not an option. Those who do not adapt get left behind. Change is, therefore, not just a path to self-improvement, but a survival strategy in a dynamic environment.

The Biological Perspective: The Striving for Stability

To understand why change is so difficult, it helps to look at biology. Our body loves stability, also known as homeostasis or equilibrium. When your blood pressure drops, your heart beats faster to compensate. When it gets too hot, you sweat to cool down. The body uses hundreds of feedback loops to maintain this balance.

Exactly this principle applies to our behavior. As author George Leonard describes in his book "Mastery," we possess a "behavioral equilibrium." We have settled into patterns: how often we exercise, how we eat, how we work. This balance is stabilized by our environment and our habits. As soon as we try to disturb this system (through change), the system fights back to restore the old stability.

Why Your Brain Hates New Paths: The Energy Dilemma

Besides biological homeostasis, there is another opponent in your head: energy-saving mode. Although your brain makes up only about 2% of your body mass, it consumes around 20% of your energy. To be efficient, the brain loves automation.

Every habit is like a well-paved highway in your mind—neurons fire quickly and effortlessly. A change, on the other hand, is like having to hack your way through a dense jungle with a machete to forge a new path. That is exhausting and consumes a vast amount of energy.

That’s why change often feels not just psychologically, but physically draining. Your brain sends signals of fatigue and resistance ("Let's just take the highway!"), not because the change is bad, but because it is metabolically expensive. The paradox is essentially a battle between energy efficiency and innovation.

The Identity Conflict: Who Are You, Really?

An often-overlooked aspect of the change paradox is that genuine change always represents an attack on your existing identity. We often say: "I am a smoker" or "I am unathletic." These statements are part of our self-image.

If you now try to change the behavior (e.g., going for a run), it initially feels like a lie. You feel like an imposter in your own life because your behavior ("I am jogging") does not match your deep-seated conviction ("I am unathletic").

The paradox here is: To become someone new, you must accept feeling "wrong" or inauthentic for a while. Many people abort changes because they say, "That’s just not me." They forget that the "Me" is malleable—it just takes time for identity to catch up with behavior.

I help you improve your performance in all areas of life through the holistic integration of mental, physical, and spiritual strength.

Helen Hammelberg, M.Sc. Psychologie

The Change Paradox: Why the Beginning is So Hard

Here lies the core paradox: To change, we must learn to be comfortable with discomfort. Our brain is programmed to avoid discomfort. Yet, discomfort is merely a sign that we are crossing our habitual boundaries—and that is a good thing!

The paradox states: If you try to radically change your life all at once, you will likely fail and fall back into old patterns. However, if you focus on changing your normal day just a tiny bit, your life will transform almost as a side effect.

The Disadvantages of Radical Change

Our culture loves the story of "Overnight Success." We hear phrases like "You must take massive action!" But radical changes contradict the stabilizing forces of our lives.

If you try to change too much too quickly, the counter-forces sound the alarm. George Leonard puts it aptly: "Resistance is proportional to the size and speed of the change, not to whether the change is a favorable or unfavorable one."

Those who rush forward too fast (e.g., an extreme diet or a brutal workout regimen) often experience a backlash. Colleagues undermine the diet, work gets in the way, energy fades. The system pulls you back to the start.

When Radical Change Can Be Useful or Necessary

Although the human body and mind prefer stability, there are situations where a radical cut is not only sensible but indispensable. For certain addictions, for example, a controlled but abrupt withdrawal under professional supervision may be the only effective solution. Also, in acute crises or existential threats (such as a job loss requiring a complete fresh start), there is often no time for gradual adjustments; immediate, comprehensive rethinking and action are required.

Additionally, there are people who naturally have a higher tolerance for extreme changes and feel more motivated by the intensity of a radical shift than by a slow, step-by-step path. These "all-or-nothing" types can benefit from an uncompromising break with old habits under certain circumstances. For them, the monitoring and support structure is often crucial in such cases.

Gradual Change: Why It Is Sustainable

Nevertheless, for most people and most everyday situations, evolution rather than revolution is the more sustainable path. Living systems—whether ecosystems or humans—have an "optimal growth rate." This is often much slower than the maximum possible growth.

When we take small, incremental steps (the 1% method), we slowly push our equilibrium forward without triggering our system's alarm bells. It's like building muscle: Too much weight leads to injury; a little more than usual leads to growth.

The Illusion of Linearity: The Valley of Disappointment

Why do we often give up exactly when we should keep going? This is due to false expectations. We believe change is linear: One day of effort = One day of visible results.

In reality, change often happens exponentially or with a delay. In the initial phase, you invest a lot of energy but see barely any results. This is called the "Valley of Disappointment."

It's like an ice cube in a cold room that you slowly heat up. From -10 degrees to -1 degree, seemingly nothing happens—the ice cube remains solid. You think your efforts are in vain. But at 0 degrees, it suddenly begins to melt. All the work beforehand wasn't for nothing; it was necessary to build up the energy for the phase transition.

The paradox of change means keeping going, even when reality's feedback is still pending.

Finding the Right Zone: Growth Zone vs. Comfort Zone

To grow successfully, we must find the right zone:

Comfort Zone: Here we feel safe, but no growth happens here.
Overwhelm Zone: Here we try too much at once. Panic and relapse are pre-programmed.
Growth Zone: This is the area of "optimal discomfort." It is challenging, but manageable. This is where sustainable change takes place.

Change is a process, not an event. In the next post, we will look at how you can master this process concretely and which practical steps will help you overcome the discomfort.

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About the author: Helen Hammelberg

Psychologist, fitness trainer, nutritionist & founder of OptiMind

With a holistic approach, Helen supports people in recognizing and developing their full potential - be it mentally, physically or spiritually. Her approach is based on a deep appreciation for the individual needs of each person and the belief that everyone has the ability to positively shape their lives.

The OptiMind principle reflects a strongly client-centred approach as well as a long-term and process-oriented way of thinking to support your individual well-being and maximise your performance.

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