Finally Making a Change – How to Identify What Matters and Succeed in Doing It
In Part 1, we learned that our brains and bodies are essentially programmed to maintain the status quo. We now know why radical, overnight actions often fail. But before we lay out strategies for implementation, we first need to clarify: What exactly needs to change?
Often, we just feel a general sense of dissatisfaction but can’t quite put our finger on the problem. Here are practical ways to find out where your greatest growth potential lies and how to actually stick with the change.
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Phase 1: The Diagnosis – How to Figure Out What You Really Want to Change
Before you start running, you need to know where you’re going. Many people change things that aren't actually the problem (e.g., getting a new haircut when it's actually the job that’s stressful).
Use these 6 indicators to find your target:
1. Pay Attention to Your “Internal Warning Signal”
Observe yourself closely in everyday life. With which behaviors do you repeatedly notice a slight, subliminal negativity rising within you? It might be reaching for your smartphone immediately after waking up, which actually stresses you out, or that third glass of wine in the evening, where your gut feeling is already quietly protesting. This brief feeling of “I don't actually want this” or “this isn’t doing me any good” is your most important signpost.
2. Use Envy as a Compass
Envy is a taboo emotion, but extremely useful. Are you envious of someone? Don’t judge yourself for it; analyze it instead: What exactly does this person have or do that you would like too?
Is it the discipline of the colleague who goes jogging in the morning?
Is it the calmness of a friend when dealing with stress? Envy often reveals unconscious desires and goals that you haven't yet admitted to yourself.
3. Weigh the Consequences
Look at your habits rationally: Which behaviors bring you more negative outcomes than positive ones on average?
Perhaps binge-watching a series all night is fun in the short term (positive), but the next day you are tired, irritable, and unproductive (negative). If the "costs" (fatigue, bad mood, health) are consistently higher than the "profit" (brief relaxation), you have found an ideal candidate for change.
4. The “Eternity Test”: Does It Fit Your Identity?
Ask yourself with every potential change: “Can I imagine integrating this new behavior into my daily life forever?”
Radical diets often fail because of this. A dietary change that fits your daily life and personality, however, passes the test. Look for changes that don’t feel like a foreign body, but like a puzzle piece that has been missing until now.
5. Look for Leverage (The Domino Effect)
In which area of life would a change obviously have a positive effect on everything else?
There is often a “Keystone Habit.” For example: If you go to bed earlier (change), you are fitter in the morning, eat healthier because you have fewer cravings, and are more focused at work. Find the one domino that knocks the others over in a positive way.
6. The Mirror from the Outside
We often have blind spots. What is repeatedly reflected back to you by your environment (partner, friends, family)? Do different people independently tell you that you are often late, a poor listener, or don't move enough? If the feedback accumulates, there is usually some truth to it—even if we hate hearing it.
Phase 2: Implementation – How to Master Change
Once you know what you want to change (e.g., “I want to get up earlier because the morning rush negatively affects me”), it’s time for implementation. This is where many fail due to their own psychology.
Why Beginning is the Hardest Part
Psychotherapist Amy Morin describes three phases of change:
- Pre-contemplation: You don't suspect the problem yet.
- Contemplation: You think about it (“Maybe I should…”).
- Preparation: You plan the “How.”
Many jump from Phase 2 straight into action, skipping Phase 3 (Preparation). This is a mistake. If you say, “I’ll change this starting tomorrow,” but have no plan for how to deal with obstacles, failure is pre-programmed.
6 Tips for Dealing with Discomfort
Change often feels wrong or exhausting at first. Here is how to deal with it:
- It is only temporary: The feeling of unfamiliarity with new behavior passes.
- Failure as Data: If it doesn’t work, it’s not a character flaw, but feedback. Adjust your plan.
- Lean into the discomfort: View the uncertainty as a sign of growth (like sore muscles after exercise).
- Get support: Social accountability and encouragement help enormously.
- Trust the process: Results often come with a delay. Be patient.
- Small steps: Do not underestimate the power of small, continuous steps.
Practical “Hacks” for Your Daily Life
- Be a Scientist: View your life as an experiment. “I’m just going to test for two weeks what it’s like to put the phone away in the evening.” This removes the pressure of permanence.
- Allow the Exit: Tell yourself: “I’ll just do 10 minutes of exercise; if I don't want to anymore after that, I can stop.” Usually, you’ll keep going because the hurdle of starting has been overcome.
- Expect Setbacks: Plan for it: “If I relapse one day, I’ll just continue normally the next day instead of throwing everything away.” Perfectionism is the enemy of progress.
I help you improve your performance in all areas of life through the holistic integration of mental, physical, and spiritual strength.
Helen Hammelberg, M.Sc. Psychologie
About the author: Helen Hammelberg
Psychologist, fitness trainer, nutritionist & founder of OptiMind
With a holistic approach, Helen supports people in recognizing and developing their full potential - be it mentally, physically or spiritually. Her approach is based on a deep appreciation for the individual needs of each person and the belief that everyone has the ability to positively shape their lives.
The OptiMind principle reflects a strongly client-centred approach as well as a long-term and process-oriented way of thinking to support your individual well-being and maximise your performance.
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